The Role of the Father
A few thoughts on fathers for Father's Day
I have been a dad for ten years now.
And I love being a dad. I love it even when my three-year-old wakes up at 4:30 am on one of the few days I plan to sleep in.
I love playing Legos, teaching lessons, snuggling, going to ballet recitals, and sitting through classes two days a week.
I have the unique job of raising three girls, which means everything I do will play a role in how they view men, consider husbands, and feel about themselves.
And on this Father’s Day, I was reminded of the father's critical role and thought I would share a few thoughts about it.
The Role of the Father: Balance
Before I start, I want to share three Bible verses to help prepare you for what I want to share.
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." - Psalms 103:13
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."
- Colossians 3:21
As fathers, we have a role of balance for our family. We are to provide instruction and compassion and give our kids what they will need as adults.
But we won’t be perfect. There will be things we don’t know, or we don’t do well. But we can also teach them how to ask for forgiveness and clean up our mess.
We all know that we are responsible for preparing our kids, but we are also accountable for how they relate to us regarding their identities.
A Father Speaks Identity Over Their Children
We do this because we are called out not to embitter, discourage, or exasperate our children. These things happen for a few reasons:
We communicate that they are not good enough or that they are not worthy.
Sometimes, our kids fail, or they downright refuse to do the things we want or need them to do. In these situations, we can encourage them with our words and attitudes toward them or discourage them.
One of my daughters failed something this year. When it came time for me to step in and help pick her up, I reminded her that she is loved, that she can figure out how to overcome, and that, most of all, failing doesn’t define her.
We must communicate to our kids, even in their failures, that they are worthy of love and good enough to learn from their mistakes. Otherwise, they will be discoursed.
We are to lift them with our words into the person they were made to be by God.
When our kids are about to do something hard or something they have never done, we need to call out the person who can do it.
My oldest daughter struggled with ballet a little bit this year, but I continually reminded her of who she is (a girl who can learn and improve no matter the circumstances), and when faced with hard things, she prevailed.
If they believe in who they are and who God created them to be, they can overcome much more than one might think.
We must protect and provide a connection for our kids.
As fathers, we have an essential role in helping them understand how to be connected to us as parents and connected to others. Our goal needs to be that connection. Otherwise, if we upset them, they will struggle to connect.
My middle daughter doesn’t always want to admit when she has done something wrong because somewhere along the way, we sent a message that she will be punished for her actions (which there are consequences for things).
However, I have worked hard to remind her that we love her, that no matter what she does, we value our relationship with her, and that we want to help work things out. This has enabled her to be more honest with us and with herself.
Final Thoughts on This Balance
First, moms can and do these things, too. They can help provide balance and often have a better pulse on our kids' needs. But, there is something special when dads step in with these areas of life.
Second, nobody is perfect. I’m not. You aren’t. But, we need to clean up our messes with our kids, build back that connection, and learn to grow our relationship with them to prepare them for the future.
I want to encourage all the dads out there today: no matter where you are or where your kids are in life, you can overcome anything to be connected to them. Take the steps toward your kids, ask for forgiveness for your failures, speak life into them, and find ways to connect to grow them into who they were made to be.
J.R. Heimbigner is a #1 Bestselling Christian Author on Amazon who writes about faith and writing books. Support my work by purchasing any of his bible study devotionals on Amazon:
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Happy father's day my friend!